Friday, December 22, 2006

In Other News

I enjoyed the title of the news post from which this excerpt comes:

The nightclub owner appeared totally at home on the dance floor, basking in the admiring glances of his pupils.
For "Danny J" is in fact Corporal Daniel James, the soldier accused of spying for Iran while working as intrepreter and aide to General David Richards, the commander of Nato forces in Afghanistan.

The 'spy' who danced the salsa | News | This is London

I'm beginning to concur with Neil Gaiman, who upon learning of the circumstances surrounding the mystery of the Bishop and his missing memory as well as the news articles involving Russian spies and Polonium posioning, had this to say:

... I am beginning to suspect that whoever is currently writing the world, or at least the English bit of it, is starting to plunder cheap fiction for ideas.

Neil Gaiman - Neil Gaiman's Journal: December 2006

Monday, December 11, 2006

Closing the case

I won't bore you with an outline of how it happened or who was involved, since apparently I was the only one not aware of the facts surrounding Fifi's sudden appearance and then subsequent disappearance (I have even been led to believe that the knowledge was so far reaching that people I have never met, were somehow aware of what was happening). At any rate, congratulations on a prank well executed.

One of the kidnappers has confessed to me and so she will be rewarded with a candle lit dinner, as promised. The primary request of the kidnappers was a photo of myself standing sideways behind streetlight, which I have included within this post.

Street Light
Standing sideways behind a streetlight

Since I have so greatly enjoyed this whirlwind plot I have been taken on, I'm also including some requested pictures. The two most strongly requested photos by those hearing the ransom demands were a baby photo of myself and a photo of myself dressed as a ninja at Portage and Main (unfortunately the smoke bomb I threw somewhat obscures the photo), so here you are.

Baby Photo
A young Mr. Epp

Ninja at Portage and Main

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


I will be posting pictures from the "C" is for Christmas party shortly, however a much more urgent and unfortunate task demands my attention at present. At some point during the party a daring kidnapping was undertaken and now Fifi is missing. In her place was left this ransom note.

Shortly after the discovery of her dissapearance, an anonymous phone call was made that was tracked to the west side of the city. The phone call left a series of conditions to be met, the nature of which cannot be revealed at this moment, which are feverishly being worked on from this end.

I would like to take a moment and speak directly to the kidnappers. In the short three months that I have come to know Fifi, she has come to mean a great deal to me. Therefore, I would ask that you take great care to make sure that Fifi comes to no harm.

Fifi and myself
Last photo of us together

However, before I go through with the actions requested of me, I must have assurance from the kidnappers that Fifi is still alive and unharmed. As such, I will need a photograph of Fifi taken beside a green apple, to insure that photo was taken after this request was made. Also, I will need the picture sent via the email address that was mentioned in the phone call, so I know I am not dealing with an imposter who has purchased a replica of Fifi at a store.

To the general public, I am offering a reward if you can orchestrate the safe return or provide information leading to the safe return of Fifi. The reward I am offering is to prepare and serve a candle lit dinner for two, yourself and a person of your choosing*

Little is known of the events surrounding the kidnapping, but I will try to set out what I do know in the hopes that it may be of help. During the party Fifi mingled with guests and sat on her favourite pillow (shown below) in the corner of the room.

The pillow
The empty pillow

The last known photo of Fifi was taken at 7:56:38 PM. It is estimated that the dissapearance happened shortly thereafter. If anyone has further information pinpointing the time of the event or any suspicious behaviour seen during the party, please contact me.

Enhanced Image
Last known photo
* You are responsible for procuring the person of your choosing. I would ask that that person also be willingly present (I do not encourage any further kidnappings). In the absence of a second party, I would be more than willing to enjoy dinner with Fifi's rescuer.